Friends
13 Jan
I don’t usually do this on my blog, but I need to do a cathartic post today.
Growing up, I was very social and had lots of friends. Most of them were just “hang out occasionally” type friends, but I had several close friends as well. I’m still close to some of them today, although I rarely see them because they live in Arizona (you know who you are, ladies!).
Now that I’m married with three children, I’m finding that I lack these close-knit female friendships. I have several women that I would consider my friends, but most of them only on a very superficial level. I don’t often get invited to do things, and when I invite others to do things, they don’t often come. I don’t know. Maybe I’m a bad friend. I could reach out more and look for opportunities to serve others, but I feel that the women I know and associate with most often are always judging me or something. It’s weird. Does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone even read this blog anymore? It would be nice to get a comment if you do. I’m sorry I’m not a better friend…but maybe this is normal for this stage of my life since so many of us are focusing mainly on our families and that’s about all we can handle. Thoughts? Those of you who have close friends, how do you create and nurture these relationships while at the same time being a good wife, mother, employee, church member, etc.?
I know exactly how you feel, Fiona. Let’s get together soon. :) I try to plan stuff too and nobody really comes (like my CTMH party). Are we just all too busy to get together? I mean, it is hard with kids and husbands and whatnot, but still. I miss hanging out either with just girls or with spouses as well. Beau and I tried to start a couples book group and no one was interested and it seems like whenever I try to set things up people aren’t interested. It’s weird that we can all be so “connected” through facebook and whatnot and yet not really get together very much. Maybe that’s why? We all feel “connected” even though we really aren’t?
Yes! That is probably a huge part of it! It’s like facebook and blogging give us this false sense of friendship. It kinda works for me, but at the same time, kinda doesn’t.
Let’s do something for sure! I miss you guys!
I still read! I know how you feel. People don’t want to go out of their usual routines. Getting together with friends is too hard, or something. We move so much, I like to blame not having friends on that. I doubt people are judging you. But in sorry you feel like people don’t want to get to know you!
I sure hope it’s normal, because I feel the same way too! I have people that I see and talk to, but no one (outside of my family)that I feel super close to or who I would just call to chat with or to hang out with. I miss our game nights, because that was about as social as I’ve been since starting a family.
It probably means you need to move back to AZ. Sorry, I had to say it.
But I completely know what you mean. I struggled for about 2 years to feel connected to other women. Having a baby helped the most (since my ward didn’t have childless career women in it).
So these are some things I’ve learned about making grow-up friends. It’s seems consistency is the key. My friend that seems the most popular has a play group every Tuesday. I mean every week. It turned into a bigger thing and then a bigger thing. It seems exhausting, but she makes treats and all the kids come over and it makes us feel like close friends.
Eric and I have a couple friend that we have FHE with every week. Some weeks I’d rather not have the big group over, but the habit of it keeps us close.
So find a friend and get together all the time and before you know, you’ll have a mommy club or a couple friend. And just in case you were wondering, it always seemed like you had these new Utah friends and I still hang out with Lisa and Kelly. So I’m surprised to hear this. But you can call me and vent or talk any time. I love you even far away!
I have struggled with this even before marriage and motherhood. I think, for me, I just lack the social and conversational skills. Before I was a mother, when I was working full-time, I considered several of my co-workers good friends, and thoroughly enjoyed talking with them at work. But the few times we tried to do things together outside of the work environment, it was just awkward. I think I have church friends at church, culdesac friends on my culdesac, and work friends at work. Just the way I roll, I guess. :/
I miss my Orem friends because I felt like we consistently did fun things together. Most of us didn’t have kids though so we didn’t have to worry about babysitting, etc. Out here, I like doing a monthly couple game night so the husbands can also get together. I think everyone goes through this.
I think it is just this stage of life. Going to the gym and interacting with people there is about the extent of my social life. Or seeing people when I drop off/pick up for our preschool carpool.
As my life has gotten busier I’ve found I’ve had to really decrease the amount of time I spent with friends. It’s sad but also part of growing up. I still try to get out with friends every few months but my main priority is spending time with my husband and kids.
I have occasionally felt paranoid about people judging me but then realized that most people have better things to do that sit around and think about me. I’m not sure if that makes you feel better or worse :) … I meant it in a good way.
With my close friends from high school, we try to get together once a month. We often invite one couple at a time if they are casual friends. That way you have more one on one time. We love to get together. We keep saying we should hang out. We need to schedule a date. Fiona, you have friends that love you. You are a great friend.
I pretty much agree with what everyone else has said. I do think that we are so busy and for me I have such little time with my Husband that all my spare time goes to cultivating that relationship.
I agree with natalie too, that nobody has enough time to sit and judge other people, if they do, they are probably the superficial people that you don’t want to waste time being friends with anyways :)